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School AUGH!!!!

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School AUGH!!!!

Post by Tygrays on Thu Nov 18, 2010 5:22 pm

I don't want to poisen the daily thread so started on here to VENT AuGH!!!!

I am soooo mad, angry, upset, furious, friustrated - so much so I feel ready to cry, scream, hit something!!!

Oooooh Kahli's teacher is doing my ehad in - she is CONDONING my daughter to be bullied in her class - She has allowed my daughter to be in tears in her words "every day" at school adn says she has copntrol of the bullying situation... She has NOT COMUNICATED any of this wil me!!!

And then today when I called her to confront her over something that she put in writing she has the AUDACITY to tell me that it's partly my fault as she's not seen hide nor hair of me since the kids started at the school - vwell EXCUSE ME but is I haven't had any communication that there's an issue in teh class why would I skip appointments and bring a 2 year olf into a classromm to babysit and watchover what SHE SHOULD BE DOING!!!!

AUGHH!!!!

Have to take the kids to bowling... just need to get some of this off my chest.... My blood pressure is sooo high at the moment, I can feel it thumping in y head.... Need to calm down Grrrr

Oh and apparently because I asked for answers today I abused her and made her feel I was blaming her for the situation - Hmmmm when you let a pack of 11 year olf girls organise a school sleepover and sleeping arrangements when you knwo there is cliquiness and bitchiness towards my daughter you bet ya I'm asking questions as to how much control she has over the excursion!!!!

Sorry for the typo's... Will explain more when I get home....


AUGH!!!!!!

GRRRRRR

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by downunderdame on Thu Nov 18, 2010 6:03 pm

Oh Treens, I know just what you're going through, similar thing happened with my great- nephew Ty. My sister( his grandmother)& his mother went in to have a chat with the so call "teacher" that didn't work out, she was defensive & wouldn't listen to them, so they took it to the headmaster, had a round the table discussion with the teacher & headmaster, if it wasn't resolved, they were going to take it further,what came out from that was they requested that Ty be moved to another classroom, he is a much happier little boy now. It sucks when some so called "teachers" play with our precious childrens school life. At our pre-school we think it's a privilege to teach the children . Hugs to you & your DD

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by retta on Thu Nov 18, 2010 6:06 pm

ooohhhh i feel for khali treens! when we moved back to adel the ps i went to put me in class of 30 of which only 5 girls were in. i was picked on by on in particular which made the other girls do the same and the boys followeed suit. not a pleasant experience! thankfully i was there only 1 year.

big Hugs foryou and khali!

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by redant on Thu Nov 18, 2010 6:48 pm

Treens, firstly this is NOT your fault. How dare this woman accuse you of being responsible for a bunch of 11 year olds actions. This is their fault and she knows it. It is not your fault that nothing has been done either, this is HER fault....and the fact that she has not communicated with you that there is a problem is also her fault - Not that blaming people here is going to change the situation.

I feel so bad for Kahli - I really do. Having been bullied mercilessly as a child of the same age I remember how I felt.....it was awful. I wish that I could offer some advice to help her - but in all honsety I really don't have any. At that time of my life I had a very small group of friends, but one of them in particular was quite......well ... butch...for lack of a better term. People used to pick on me, but if they went too far, she would fight them for me.....with words of course. I also had a sister at the school who was liked, so that helped. It wasn't until we moved that I finally felt comfortable with a new group of people and was left alone. To this day I am not sure how I came through it. In all honesty I think it was the love and support of a wonderful family and family friends. I used to know that even if school sucked - home was OK - home was my safe haven and home was where I was loved and appreciated.

I remember that I was not witty or clever enough to make good comebacks, in fact I would just cry.....I guess it made me an easy target. If you get to know me now - you would know that not much has changed ...............anyway, I digress.

What I can (and want) to tell you is this....I did come through it!

Yeah...my self esteem sucks, I am shy around new people - which is why I think I am the way I am (You've met me so I will leave it to you to believe it or not) and I need all the confidence boosters I can get from the people who really know me; but I came through it.

I came through it with the power to advocate for my own children. I came through it with the abilty to stand up for my own rights when needed, but also with the strength that it takes to walk away from situations that I need to walk away from that I don't want to walk away from (and that my dear friend requires LOTS of strength.)

I came through it being able to stand by friends sides when they needed, and with the compassion to be able to give them a hug when needed. I came through it enough to be able to give my opinion - even when others disagree. I came through it to be proud to be an individual. I guess what I am saying Treens is that not only did I come through it - I came through it (in my opinion) a better person. And so will Kahli - I know that because I know that you love her with all your heart and I know that you will always let her know that.

For now....I don't know what needs to be done...but please know that I am thinking of you and I am here to listen any time you need to vent. I am here to give you a hug if ever you need it. I am here to try and make you laugh if you need. I am here to stand behind you to make you stronger for Kahli if you need. Basically I am here.


(Also as a bit of an adit - I got a message on f/b not that long ago. It was from one of the gals I used to go to school with - one of the gals that was mean, and cruel and nasty and one of the gals whoose sole purpose in life, it seemed, was to make me life hell. You know what she said....? She told me that she was sorry. She said, "For years I have gone to bed at night and felt bad for the things I said and did to you. For years I have beat myself up for being the awful person that I was. I was an angry and sad person back then and I took it out on you - will you ever forgive me?" I thought for a while before resonding. I told her "I forgave you a long time ago." and I told her exactly what I told you - about being a better person for it. I also felt sad, becuase I wasn't lying.....I got over it.....and her....well she suffered for years before she was given the opportunity to be forgiven. ) (Maybe let Kahli know that story.....)





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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Charmane on Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:06 pm

OH Treens Sad I feel so bad for you and Kahli! I am def not looking forward to my kids getting older and dealing with stuff like that.... its so hard... and def not your fault either :(stupid teacher!!!

I love that story about the person asking for forgiveness Ant.... just goes to show huh?

Hope it all gets sorted out treens!

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Billie on Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:14 pm

Well I'm just going to say ditto. I agree with all Ant said, even the bullying side of things as I was Aldo bullied until we moved to a new town. I was a shy person too and look at me now! Now I am trained to kick a*#e so if you need me to come over there and 'deal' with the poor excuse for a school teacher then let me know.
I hope things settle down for her and the other kids are dealt with.

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Tygrays on Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:32 pm

thanks guys Smile Ant, sounds like we had similar school experiences. I never had many friends, and spent most of my time in the library because that's where bullies wouldn't go (most times) I'm determined to have this situation addressed... I believe as you said that we're advocates for our children - we need to give them a voice, because without that voice bullying will continue!!! I didn't have many safe havens growing up outside of the library as I was also abused by a male cousin who frequently visited our home... And then when I got older my parents ran a childrens home so I was always the "big sister" to the children there who bullied and abused me often times in my own home... Hence I feel very strongly about bullies etc etc...

Ok bit of history... warning LONG!!!!

In grade 2 Kahli was bullied in school. She took it to her teacher who confirmed to me (Grrr) that she told Kahli that as she called the bully a bad name she deserved to be bullied. After that day my bright, bubbly self confident little girl wilted into someone who had no self confidence, stole from home to give stuff to bullies and others to be her friend and over compensates for her lacking self confidence by talking aimlessly and vying for attention. We pulled the kids from this school when the teacher (who was a SENIOR teacher) told us that she had indeed said this to Kahli.

April this year, moved to Mt G. May this year teacher said Kahli had settled well into class. End May teacher said that new girl has come into class and she and Kahli don';t get on - Kahli states this girl bullies her. The teacher says the new girl is very mature for her age, a big girl, very confident and lets the other children know what she's thinking. This other girl is very popular and Kahli is jealous of losing friends to this new girl. Friction happens in the class and early June the girls have BIG falling out to which they enter the schools "rainbow room" for "talking out" the situation with a senior teacher or school counselor.

Kahli tells me she's been in the "rainbow room" I call school to ask for meeting with principal after phone convo with teacher who tells me that I don't know my daughter, she's very self confident and can stand up for herself, she just need to learn to be resilient (my god I'm hating that word at the moment!!!) . Instead I get the counselor who tells me that rainbow room isn't bad, it's place for negotiation and not to involve parents if situations can be handled at school - I say I don't want Kahli in rainbow room by herself facing a pack of school girls - I get told this wont happen.
Also remind counselor that Aleks is on autism spectrum with aspergers and questioned in face of Kahli's issues with socialising if could be on spectrum as well. Counselor says in light of what she's found out about Kahli she believes we could be onto something...

Next day Kahli comes home with a contract that she has signed - they ended up having meeting in the rainbow room - Kahli had been made face 6 other girls all who she said were bullying her... they were saying she was nasty to them... Call school, spoke to counselor again. Advised that we had also had Kahli to Dr and she had hearing problem and will be getting hearing tests - we may not have a autism issue, could be deafness issue. Advised I would be contacted if there were any further issues with Kahli and behaviour/bullies etc in school

NO FURTHER CONTACT WITH SCHOOL WAS RECEIVED!!!

Frequent notes passed to teacher in Kahli's home communication diary - mostly about homework etc...

Kahli's b'day party invites sent out - no rsvp's... 1 friend from another class turns up...
LAST WEEK - when I was sick, several calls from school in 1 day... I couldn't talk... When voice was back I returned calls to find Kahli's teacher had been trying to contact me. Apparently there were issues at the school about emails being violated. Kahli was saying that girl who came to school after her who bullied her (teacher says she believes there is bullying happening with this girl and her friends but she has control of it) has got her password for her email and has sent emails from it. Teacher stating that she can't find record of said email but made Kahli sit down and write what was in it and was a lot of foul language. She indicated that Kahli made this all up. I told her that we do not swear at home, we do not allow our children to watch shows with language etc like that and I can't see why she would be making that up. Teacher said that Kahli has a lot of issues socialising and is always in tears at school - especially in PE when the girls are left to their own devices. She said that Kahli when in tears is bringin attention to herself and not being resiliant. She said she's always having talks to her about being resiliant and not allowing things to get to her. She said she is in tears almost every day. But she is full of self confidence and needs to learn to listen and not talk talk talk. I told her that Kahli does well socialising outside of school. I told the teacher about her party and how she and her friend had proper conversations that were'nt one sided and that Kahli knew how to converse and be friends. Teacher admitted that she had seen Kahli was nice to her friends. I again told teacher that Kahli over-talks as opart of lacking in self confidence - which is one reason she shuts down and is in tears a lot when put under pressure of bullies etc.

I also told teacher that other kids in class may not be as nice to Kahli as she thinks they are and used her birthday invites for example. The teacher didn't even know that Kahli had a party - she questioned if Kahli had even handed the invites out - I advised we had 1 mum ring and say no - and 1 turn up - nothing from the others. Teacher said she find that hard to belive but will look into it. i also told her about how the girl that did come to the party has witnessed and also been a victim of the bullies in Kahli's class. The teacher said that's the first she's heard of it and will look into it...

NO MORE CONTACT - until I call today..

Why I called. Kahli's class is having a sleep over in tents. Kahli returned her RSVP to it several weeks ago indicating we didn't have a tent the school could use but she would come. Last week Kahli came home with a tent list the teacher had written out and photocopied for all the students. On it Kahli and another girl were left offside with a ? next to their names. I asked Kahli what this meant - she told me that there wasn't enough tents so they didn't ahve one. She said she was told we had to provide one or go out and buy one. I said this wasn't possible and to see if there was another tent anyone could loan her. I didn't think toooo much of that, but thought that it was really weird how she and this other girl were left out when. Then yesterday she came home with a list of ingredients to make pizzas for the camp out. The school has a step alexandra garden with a clay pizza oven. The kids (according to the orig RSVP letter thingy) were meant to take ingredients for their own pizzas to share etc... Kahli had everything written on her list to bring (right down to anchovies bleurgh) I asked what was going on because my understand was it was a class thing to schare.. She said that this was all being done in tent groups and as she was by herself because the other girl was sick she had to bring everything for herself!.

Sooo I call the school to see what's happening.

Got the teacher and asked what was happening with the cap out. Teacher said that notice had been sent hom - I told her I knew that, but what was hapopening with the tent situation. I said that Kahli had told me she needed to provide her own. Teacher said, no.. all the girls were sharing, but Kahli had told her she wasn't sure if she was coming or not. I told her that Kahli was super excited about the camp out, and knew she was going - there was no reason for her to say she wasn't sure if she was going. Teacher said that there was room for Kahli, that she has let all the girls sort out their own sleeping arrangements and Kahli would fit in with one of the groups. She said she was aware it could be difficult as Kahli wasn;t populat]r in her class and has been ostricised. I asked her what tent would Kahli be in considering she knew that girls in the class had ostrocised her? She said she didn't know, she doesn;'t knwo what the sleeping arrangements are she's left it up to the class to work it out themselves.

At this point I kinda got a bit frustrated - I asked her why she let a group of 11 year old girls organise somethign like this knowing full well that Kahli wouldn't be included as in her own words the class has ostrocised her. She said she had no answer to that but there would be room for Kahi. I asked her is it possible that the girls have told Kahli there is no room for her in their tents and that is why Kahli is saying that - she said it is possible, but she has no idea as it's been left us tp the class to organise. I then asked her again why she has let these girls organise this and what control has she had in the organising in order to ensure Kahli is safe and catered for. She said that I made her feel as though I was blaming her for Kahli's issues and that I made her feel abused and not happy to ahve the conversation continue.

I then said that I wasn't being rude, just after questions as there has been no communication that situation with Kahli in class has been continuing (teacher said that there was another incident yesterday where Kahli was the subject of a class rumour that left her in tears - teacher had told her again she needed to be more resiliant and learn to toughen up - oh and while Kahli was pulling herself together she went and had a talk to the class about not spreading rumours about people!!!) She said that I had to take some responsibility as she hasn't seen 'hide nor hair' of me in the classroom since the kids had started that school - I said why would I be in the classroom watching over interactions if I had no idea there were issues!!

Augh anyways she refused to continue conversation until she called one of the principals into the room and put the phone on speaker... Principal then controled convo - was rather sarcastic at times but she had no complaints about how I talked - claimed that the school doens't always notify parents if there's an issue unless it comes to a head. I said this is not good enough as I had been promised open lines of communication from their counselor - whom I now find out is no longer at the school, the children have been dealing with a new school counselor and I've not been notified!!! When I asked for answers to why no contact, notification or as to what was happening the teacher started twising my words about the campout to which I stopped the conversation and said that I would not dewal with this over the phone with my words being twisted. I insisted on an appointment to discuss face to face with principal, teacher and counselor and with Nathan present as well. It's all heppening tomorrow at 11am

I'm soooooooooo disgusted about so much with this conversation - there were other things mentioned but the upshot is that the teacher thinks this bully is a great kid and she can trust what she say's over Kahli. She seems to think I think my daughter is an angel who is not at fault (I've said the opposite sooooo many times to her and the counselor!!! If she's the bully I want to know!!!) and apparently it's my fault that I wasnt in the classroom overseeing things!!!

So I'm insulted, disgusted furious and possibly jsut a little over protective of my daughter now that I've had a taste of how manipulative this teacher is - I'm at the point that I'll be pulling her from the school for the rest of the year and going again to see how things settle next year.... We'll see how things go tomorrow....

PS - sorry for typos, this is too long to go back and check right now - the brats want feeding!!!

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by sarah on Thu Nov 18, 2010 8:03 pm

Treens,

Hugs to you and Kahli.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things and i don't think you are being over protective at all.

I too experienced bullying and it wasn't until my parents finally got involved with the teachers and school that things actually began to improve. So its great that you are making yourself involved with the teachers and school.

But it sucks how you were kept in the dark and how much of a friggin dumb so and so the teacher is being. I mean the whole camping thing! She really should have had control of that situation.

I hope tomorrow goes better with the meeting with counsellor and principle and Nathan there too. Really hope that they can sort it all out for Kahli and for you guys. Its an awful feeling being ostracised.

Let us know how you go tomorrow
xo

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Tygrays on Thu Nov 18, 2010 8:08 pm

Oh another thing I forgot to mention is the teacher reckons I'm difficult to get hold of!! She claims she has tried to contact me regarding issues in school... She reckons I never answer my phone hmmm I have voicemail?!?!?! I also told her the school have my email and postal address and there's Kahli's communication homework diary - teacher says she's been sending messages home with Kahli verbally that she wants to talk to me Hmm Hello?!?!? Sending messages home with a child that the teacher wants to talk to them???? What happened to old fashioned note?? And did she really expect a then 10 year old girl not to think she was going to get in trouble if she passed that message on - I can understand how it didn't come home - HOWEVER Kahli insists she was never told to bring a message like that home.. I didn't tell her that the teacher said she did - just a questioning method.. and I believe her....

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by iamsam on Thu Nov 18, 2010 8:46 pm

Is this teacher a Mother/Father? I am guessing NOT because if they are they they would not be dealing with the situations like they are. I had a bad experience with a teacher (not a mother herself) when I sent Joshua to a mainstream kindy for only 1 day a week, half way throught the year she called me in to tell me that I was doing the WRONG thing by Joshua for not sending him the normal 2 days, but at the time he was attending a special needs school the other day because they had the staff/aids to help with his speech, physical therapy , toilet training and so on, he loved the special school and was improving so much more by attending, but the teacher told me I was wrong and that the other child (whom also as Down Syndrome) was attending both days and was fitting in more, talking more, (may I just add that he had an older sister which helped with his speech), but he was not toilet trained by the end of year, Joshua was, Joshua was more social, more confident and it worked for us as a family and really that is all that mattered. What I am trying to say, but not doing it very well is stick to your guns, this is your daughter and you know her best, so don't let them bully you too!

Joshua was also punished and I was called in because he threw sand at one of the other children, but she then told me he had seen another child do the same thing and was simply copying him all because it was his way of telling the child to leave him alone (the child was trying to pick him up like a baby, and Joshua knows he's not a baby and that he is different) so he simply did what worked for another child, and I know this is still wrong, but why make an example of a child with specail needs who doesn't really understand what he has done wrong, would it not have been better to let all the children know that everyone is different, and he is not a baby just because he can't talk! I'm sorry it still makes me really mad Mad

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by iamsam on Thu Nov 18, 2010 8:47 pm

Good luck tomorrow! My thoughts will be with you!

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by redant on Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:23 pm

Treens.....grrrrrr.....what is it with teachers these days? Kahlis teacher sounds like she is one of the 11 year olds herself. I am thinking of you sweetie and I hope tomorrow goes well - having Nathan there is a good idea. Stick to your guns, and fight for what is right.

Hugs to you and Kahli!!!!!

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by vickstar on Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:58 pm

Oh Treens, this is awful!! Sad I can't believe it is all still going on! Sad I will be about all day tomorrow if you need to vent some more! Sad Hope you can get it all worked out tho!

Hugs to you all! Smile

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by robjud on Fri Nov 19, 2010 6:18 am

I can sympathise with you Treens. I have been through all this with my DS at primary and secondary school. It is only through changing secondary schools from a public one to a private one that doesn't tolerate bullying and has the power to do something about it, that we finally have a happy boy. He is now in Year 8, has a nice group of friends and it has been his first year since Grade 2 that he hasn't had any bullying issues at school (There has been a couple of incidents on his way home from school with kids from his old school). What really used to get me about my son's situation was that at high school all the bullying was happening in the classroom. Where was the teacher!
Good luck. I hope you're able to sort something out.

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Becci on Fri Nov 19, 2010 7:43 am

OMG Treens I would be furious. This teacher sounds lazy to me.
Goodluck this morning

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Tygrays on Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:28 pm

Ok, meeting had and I really don't know if we achieved much...

I think we have the principal on side, the teacher wouldn't budge on her opinions, the counselor was as weak as well.. you fill in the blanks...

Hmm I need to sort it all out in my head first before posting much more here.. I feel we were heard, but not listened to by the teacher if that makes sense - I got no where with the teacher, no where at all and I don;t think I will...

We're working out what to do with keeping Kahli there.. lots of discussions to have between Nate and I this arvo, and see what Kahli is like when she comes home from school....

Will update more this afternoon - lots of confusion and uncertainty and trying to work out if we can trust certain people or not....

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by retta on Fri Nov 19, 2010 2:57 pm

Treens bigs Hugs for you and khali.the teacher sounds like a nob

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Charmane on Fri Nov 19, 2010 3:23 pm

i agree with retta.... what a knob....

I'm guessing she'll have a new teacher next year, so maybe just hang in there? Or find out who her teacher is next year and have a chat with him/her before she starts, just to see if you get good vibes from them? If not, if it was me, I would be changing schools.... I'm hoping to have more input with Chei's school teacher next year, this year has been a bit of a dud, him going to school in Term 2 here, then that teacher going on Long Service leave this term.... Rolling Eyes he doesn't seem to be doing too much homework and I'm a bit over it, coz I want him to LEARN!

Chei had a tough time at the start with making friends too, not playing with anyone, being a bit of a loner, but he is slowly making friends...

I hope it all works out Treens! xoxo

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Charmane

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Age : 37

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Tygrays on Sat Nov 20, 2010 9:56 am

In the middle of tying out what happened at the meeting, but time is getting away from me.. will post tonight...

Tygrays

Posts : 2128
Join date : 2010-05-09
Age : 40
Location : Mount Gambier

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Tygrays on Wed Nov 24, 2010 5:05 pm

I've popped a mini update on my blog... just very very frustrated and disappointed today - I don;t think I'm being sensitive and irrational, but maybe I could be LOL...

Tygrays

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by Becci on Wed Nov 24, 2010 7:23 pm

OMG Treens that is sooo wrong! They could take all the time in the world for all the other discussions but not to call you. Sounds like they feel guilty to me.

Becci

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

Post by redant on Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:39 pm

Oh Treens - I hope it all gets sorted out soon. If Miss K does have issues - it is a shame that the school can't help you with them and support her along the way. The communication between them and you seems very poor considering what you have been through - I can only hope it gets better. Hugs to you all.

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Re: School AUGH!!!!

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