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For Sale.....

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For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:10 am

TWO kids.....really gorgeous loving things.....(you are allowed to stretch the truth in sales pitches yes?) $1.00 a piece

They are very helpful to have around. They act as an alarm clock in the morning and they stop you from entering too dead a sleep in the middle of the night (so you can hear those burglars of course). Your house ends up being spotless (because you are forever cleaning after them).

You get to practice your public speaking and diplomacy ('cause God forbid if anyone in public heard you talking to them like you do at home). Speaking of shopping: they save you money - 'cause you want to get in and out as quickly as possible.

You don't end up sitting too long on the loo (am I allowed to say that here?) because they are sitting there watching and talking to you - or better still you get a great rendition of the 'ABCs' or 'twinkle twinkle little star' while you are at it - OR better still they need use the loo the second you do - this is great t o stop time wasting. They stop you from getting deeply involved in anything really (such as scrapping) which stops you from time wasting. You don't end up watching too much crap on TV, which also stops you from time wasting.

They love helping find old scrapping supplies which were forgotten, when they find the tin they were in and open it up and spread it all over the floor for ease of searching - that spotty banana brad that you always wanted to use will be right in front of your eyes.

They stop you from getting into any really awkard conversations by constantly being at your side and needing your help.

They will certainly add to your resume....you can claim to be a cook, cleaner, teacher, nurse, childcare worker and actually not be stretching the truth.

They ensure that your washing machine gets a regular workout and the vacum cleaner is working really well. Sometimes (if you are REALLY lucky) they will even help you with the washing and vaccuming?

They ensure that you get creative with cooking and snacks and let me tell you - when they are at their best - you can be assured that you will end up with some really yummy stuff in the house after a 2 second shopping trip.

They are highly entertaining - repeating the same joke over and over again, just in case you missed it the first time. They are highly entertaining - repeating the same joke over and over again, just in case you missed it the first time. They are highly entertaining - repeating the same joke over and over again, just in case you missed it the first time - see it is good isn't it?

Best of all they are really good in helping you remember your name; for example if you forget your name is "Mum" you will actually get "Mummy (insert your name here)".

Anyone interested? It really is a bargin - please pm me with your addy and I will have them on the next train.

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by vickstar on Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:16 am

Bahaha lmao Ant!! Love it!! I will do you a swap if you want!! ROFL

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by princessbeccie on Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:36 am

bahahahahahahah thats awesome!!!!! but ones fine with me lol

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:38 am

Oh God....I can add to this in the time I went to have my shower.

They help you save the environment by ensuring minimum water consumption. They restore your faith in God as in "Oh Dear Lord please help me get through this day!", They teach you patience - somehow you don't kill them. They ensure that no inappropriate affairs will occur by making sure that you do not have time to put makeup on and do your hair before going out. (Today I am wearing jeans and that is dressed up!)

I am sure that I will add to the list by the end of the day!!!!!

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 9:42 am

And another:

You can add magician to your resume.....because we all know that we can pull a missing pair of shorts out of our........you know where!!!!!

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by iamsam on Tue Nov 02, 2010 10:00 am

I see your having a good morning sweet! having one of those days? Smile

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 10:32 am

Yes! It is one of those days Sam- just got back from down the street - I can add a few more really great attributes

They will provide you with about 100 or so witnesses in case you need an alibi - no one will forget the 3 year old dwarf hanging off her Mum's leg crying I want a donought!!!!

You don't ever need to buy an enclyclopedia again - they know it all!

They help you remember the words to songs....."1,2,3,4,5 - once I caught a fish alive" when sung 15 times over is very hard to forget.


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Re: For Sale.....

Post by iamsam on Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:29 am

It's very cute tho! Noah refuses to sing for me and if I am singing he kindly tells me to "stop saying that mummy!" which gets louder and louder if i ignore him with a really mad tone to top it off! ROFL

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:33 am

OK - here is more -

In case your list of profanities was wearing thin - they can add to that.

In case you were feeling just a tad over-confident in approching your day - they can ground you and bring you back to realitiy.

The are very effective teachers of the saying "I can hear you - but I am not listening".

They are great furniture movers - even when you haven't asked for it to be moved.

They stop the house from being 'too perfect' after it is cleaned - they help give it that 'lived in look' that we all try so hard to achieve.

In case you were not sure where the windows and mirrors in your house were - they are very good at placing fingerprints, handprints and even mouth slober all over them to make sure they clearly visible.

Ohhhhh - I am having fun here!!!! Definately helping me get through the morning.


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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:35 am

Oh - as I sit here typing I can add another one to your list.

You don't need to disipline your youngest child because your eldest can do it for you.

At this stage you can have Two for the price of one. Shocked

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:38 am

oooh - I could write a book -

They stop you wallowing in self pity. We all know that the toe that DD scratched up at Sam's the other day is far worse than the toothache that Mum has had for over 2 weeks that the dentist said can't be fixed.

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by fullofscrap on Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:43 am

ROFL This is so funny Ant and it certainly brings back memories of when my kids were small. They do get better when they grow up BUT then you get a whole set of new problems that come with having teenagers. So, sorry the battle continues for a very long time! ROFL

As to wether I would like to buy yours for $1 each. I would have to say 'no thank you' for right now. Very Happy Maybe when mine are not living at home anymore one day, you can send yours to me for a week or two, so you can have a break. Wink


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Re: For Sale.....

Post by Becci on Tue Nov 02, 2010 12:12 pm

Bahahahaha

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by Tygrays on Tue Nov 02, 2010 2:13 pm

I think we need to start a bartering system here Ant - I'll swap your two for 3 of mine (I'll spare you the 4th just cos I'm nice bwahahahhaa)

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 2:36 pm

For the record....I never said this was a swap meat!!!! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
These kids are for sale. Dropping my prize to 50cents for 2....that is a huge bargin - I will include free postage. Very Happy

Just came up with another quality at lunch - the save you dishes - the use there fingers....

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Tue Nov 02, 2010 2:55 pm

Oh and Marelize - you are so kind! I would love to send them to you....a week would be great....I wouldn't make you do two! I so hope it gets better......they have improved today - in fact DS even made a really nice salad to go with lunch today (we had guests)....when he is in the mood - he is an awesome chef! DD has actually been kidnapped. So right now - without the two of them fighting - it is just bliss!

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by retta on Tue Nov 02, 2010 3:48 pm

ROFL that is really funny, the joys that I have to look forward to! I'll give you mine ant! atm he doesnt want to be let go, has a need to sleep on top of you and always wants to eat at the same time you do even tho he has already eaten! on the upside he has the most gorgeous smile! Very Happy
oopps speaking of which better go feed him now!

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by Soupie on Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:16 am

Ant, as usual you have me in hysterics!!!

I assume we can add to this, coz I am sure your kids have the same attributes as Brielle (I could swear you wrote this about her...LOL)

- they are good for your exercise regime. every time you sit down, they want something or do something that causes you to have to get straight back up again. this occurs at least 25 times a day. (and there's 25 squats that you didn't plan on doing)

- they are good for helping you remember where you are going when driving coz they will ask you at least 5 times in the 5 minutes it takes to get somewhere "where are we going mum?"

- the same as above goes for when you are on the phone when they ask every minute who you are talking to.

- they are very good for reminding you when things run out, such as after they have squeezed out the entire tube of toothpaste on the bathroom floor and then tell you there's none left

- they are very good at helping keep the floors clean by going around and picking up every crumb / piece of fluff / hair and eating it. also saves your back & knees from continually bending to pick them up.

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:12 am

Hehehehehe Sue! We really could write a book couldn't we?

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by vickstar on Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:58 pm

YOU really should write a book Ant!! Smile

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by fullofscrap on Wed Nov 03, 2010 4:10 pm

Yes Ant! And you can call it "Kids for Sale". I'll buy it! Very Happy

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by vickstar on Wed Nov 03, 2010 4:11 pm

I would too!! It would be sooooo funny!! When the kids are annoying me, i could pick it up and have a laugh!! Smile

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by redant on Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:03 pm

Hmmmm - maybe one day I will! Don't know if I could fill a book though - that is a LOT of pages and this dry, sick, sarcastic sense of humour will only get me so far......hehehehe.

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by vickstar on Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:36 pm

Hahaha you could just write short storys!! I reckon you could fill a whole book in a month!! lmao!! Smile

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Re: For Sale.....

Post by retta on Thu Nov 04, 2010 11:28 am

ROFL you guys are sssooo funny! ild deff buy the book!

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Re: For Sale.....

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