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How to give a cat a pill...

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How to give a cat a pill...

Post by Soupie on Sat Jun 12, 2010 12:48 am

How to give a cat a pill...

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for Animal Control to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How to give a dog a pill...

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air

DONE!!!

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You can find me blogging HERE

Soupie

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by vickstar on Sat Jun 12, 2010 12:54 am

LMAO, that is soooo funny, yet soooo true!! Smile Cats are so painful to give tablets too!! Smile

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by redant on Sat Jun 12, 2010 8:58 am

Hehehe!

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by princessbeccie on Sat Jun 12, 2010 10:14 am

bahahahaha this was fun to read!!!

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by fullofscrap on Sat Jun 12, 2010 11:01 am

So true Sue!

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by AuraScrap on Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:16 pm

almost sounds like me trying to give my dog a pill

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by PinkKittyGurl on Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:50 pm

This is a great one - I have a friend who got this with pictures attached, it was well done.

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by retta on Sat Jun 12, 2010 5:20 pm

That is sooooooo funny! Love it

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by Becci on Sat Jun 12, 2010 9:07 pm

PMSL!

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by Soupie on Sat Jun 12, 2010 11:47 pm

skrapprincess wrote:This is a great one - I have a friend who got this with pictures attached, it was well done.


I didn't get pics when it was sent to me, but PMSL anyway! HAD to share it here...

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Soupie

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by PinkKittyGurl on Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:24 am

Soupie wrote:
skrapprincess wrote:This is a great one - I have a friend who got this with pictures attached, it was well done.


I didn't get pics when it was sent to me, but PMSL anyway! HAD to share it here...
I think imagination works much better or for those who experience it every other month...

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by Tygrays on Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:45 am

haha I'm a wuss and give my cats the paste wiped on a paw Wink

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by Soupie on Sun Jun 13, 2010 11:46 pm

I've never had to deal with cats, as I have always had dogs. My dogs were always easy to give pills to...I didnt even need the bacon, I just put it in their mouth or they ate it out of my hand.

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

Post by Niccinu on Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:21 am

ROFLMAO thats all i gotta say

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Re: How to give a cat a pill...

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